i’ve thought about writing this blog a few hundred times, wrote a few lines, then deleted it, then wrote again..this went on a few times. to summarize how the month of April was in one word - overwhelming.
so, i thought instead of writing and going through every last detail with you all, i’ll just break them down in points as lessons i’ve learnt and want to share.
rejection - this one hurt. it hurt bad. especially since it came from a place of trust and friendship. but looking back now, besides having a bad taste from the experience, i feel that it happened for the best. the experience sure taught me a lot. a lot of who i am more than anything. and also a lot about the person in question and their abundance of puerility and rodomontade behaviour and how I just couldn’t let this troglodyte destroy my peace of mind. shashi tharoor sure knows some big words! that said, i used the ‘dismissal’ to focus on more productive things - like making my second ‘photowalk’ a super success, spending time with my family, and getting my health back in shape. as much as i hated it, i must say the after effect gave me much power and confidence to not take ‘shit’ from anyone.
find what you love and let that guide you - this particularly is true for me. i was never happy in my career in travel and tourism and during my recovery, i took to writing that helped me heal and understand myself better. i started small, i would write on word documents, write on note pads, created a separate folder before i knew i had to start a blog. these 2 something years of writing has taken me to unexpected places, introduced me to like-minded people and opened many windows and door for me. never did i expect to build a career with this, but, somehow, it has. i can truly see myself doing this for a very long time. if there is something you love doing, go after it. even if people tell you otherwise, think you should be doing something else, keep working towards your dream - however small or big.
walk the talk - i’m sick and tired of people saying they want to take a year off, they want to pursue something else, they want to travel, they want to start a fresh, they want to lose some weight…well - stop talking!! that’s it. talk is cheap. if you’ve been wanting to do something, you’ve been talking about it non-stop; do it already. take it from an over-thinker, over-analyser, anxiety driven person - me. please don’t wait for the ‘right time’, ‘right place’ bullshit. you have to make the jump some time, right? why not now?
the power of social media - social media has many sides and that’s what people don’t understand. they only see one side where people are completely self absorbed, taking selfies all day. but there’s another side of extremely creative people making change, talking about important issues, opening up dialogues, creating awareness and doing good for others and using platforms like instagram, youtube, facebook to spread that message. i’m proud to say that i belong on this side of the spectrum. i held my second photowalk on april 28th to spread awareness on organ donation and show people that a transplant recipient looks like another normal person. this year thanks to many of my friends reposting the event, an amazing 42 people came to support the cause! it was the happiest i’ve been this year. got my face printed in the deccan herald because of it. any platform can be used for good and bad - let’s pick good, always. :)
friends - they just make life that much sweeter right? for me, it is a mix of my girlfriends and my sisters; people who I can be a complete idiot in front of and not apologise. this past five months, i’ve rekindled friendships with my old pals, and let me tell you, nothing is sweeter. i found myself in their stories from childhood when i felt lost. they have made my life bearable and when it’s not they make the perfect soundboards!
be kind and patient with yourself - this is easier said than done, i know. i can’t give you tips on how to stop negative thoughts, over-think, over-analyse - all i can say is be patient. there were times in the last 5 months where my mind raced a few years ahead of me, i saw a future so dark and so lonely that i would catch myself crying whenever i was alone. i felt bouts of helplessness over so many things that were happening that i didn’t know what to do and which direction to go in. i felt lost and confused almost all the time. but sitting with myself during all those times, even with a whirlwind in my head, there were times i would just breathe and let things happen. because i had to let go and accept that some things were just not in my control and i had to accept that, however difficult it was. hold on to yourself when things are falling out of control. be kind to yourself - it’s the simplest but most complex idea. do it.
the smallest things - if you’ve been reading my blogs since day one, you know how much i treasure this. the smallest things make the biggest difference. a simple act of apologizing, a bear hug, a kiss, a 5 minute talk, a message, a phone call; literally the smallest thing we’ve taken for granted can turn the day around for anyone. so, if you know someone who is not having the best time, take 2 minutes to call, text, whatever. you may not feel the effect, but trust me, the other person sure will!
let loose - on the dance floor, or your bathroom floor which ever floor! dance, sing, walk, run - let those endorphins in!! i’ve also found that eating something you love without all the guilt feels amazing, and it’s okay. for me it's carrot halwa or a kulfi or even a mango! Ah..i loose all control when i see these mouth-watering treats! i eat it up but make sure to burn it all with an hour of brisk walking. when my sugars went up and I was handed the insulin pen, i said, ‘fuck it’, and had all the ice cream and carrot halwa i could, to feel happy! and that made me oh so happy! i’m on all these medicines all the time, so many things i have to control, so letting go of that felt so good. so, it’s okay to let go sometimes.
we are more alike than different - you never know who is going through what in their lives. we’re all great actors! once i started opening up about my struggles, i found people who shared the same boat as me, i guess we couldn’t see each other amongst the darkness. it took me a while to be comfortable with opening up, i had to force myself, but when I did, i felt less lonely.
i wanted this to be a short blog, but, i let my fingers run wild on the keyboard as usual. :)
i know all the points i’ve written about, you would have heard before, but, they are points that i have personally gone through and still going through every single day. it’s a process and a practice that we have to imbibe, i suppose. but, writing and sharing my struggles with ‘adulting’ would help someone. we’re all going through our own catharsis, let’s be kind to each other, but most importantly to ourselves!
here’s a look at some of the things that happened in April..